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Three things have happened that are getting me down.

In the order of events:
1. My hallucinations came back.
2. I found out that my grandmother has lung cancer.
3. My roommate wants me to move out because Iapos;m "bringing her down"

The thing that gets me down the most is, of course, the news about my poor grandmother. It came on very suddenly. She said that lately she has been feeling very tired and went to the doctor. He told her that she had cancer and that was that. She hadnapos;t been feeling sick for very long at all and now sheapos;s very sick. All of a sudden itapos;s doctorapos;s visits and tests and everything.

I regret that I didnapos;t really have a reaction when my mother told me. I just sort of sat there in shock. I didnapos;t know what to say. "Iapos;ll tell her that you love her," she told me.


The thing that is most dramatic? The situation with my roommate. I like my roommate and apparently she likes me. We get along-- Iapos;m pretty comfortable with our living situation. But sheapos;s this kind of person that feeds off of human emotion. She needs to be surrounded with friends that she can rely on all the time. I have this sort of flat, not very social affect that bothers her. And it drives her crazy that she canapos;t make me happy. So, Iapos;m okay with it, and sheapos;s not. Yet she asked me to leave our room. There is logic behind it. Sheapos;s made friends on this floor and sheapos;d like to stay here. Iapos;d like to stay here simply because I donapos;t want to move all my shit and work it into a new environment, but Iapos;m okay with doing it, and giving up on our relationship just as long as she recognizes that Iapos;m the one making all the sacrifices in this situation. And itapos;s all to make her happy. She sort of recognized it, but every time sheapos;d say she understood, it was followed up by a "but." I guess thatapos;s the most I could hope for. At least she didnapos;t say she wouldnapos;t recognize it. If she didnapos;t, Iapos;d feel like sheapos;s just abusing me. And I canapos;t make sacrifices for someone who is abusing me.

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